I have some energy drinks. Currently, most of them reside in cardboard boxes in my garage, and I'm seriously hoping none of them have gained the evolutionary skills required to eat through their aluminium cans, because I'll one day be opening up boxes of metallicised molasses with guarana undertones and that does not sound like fun.
Here are a few happy snaps of various shelves full of drinks from the last several years:
Left to right, we have:
- Battery (tasted alright, but just a knock-off of Red Bull)
- Hype (elderberry flavoured drink, red in colour, didn't taste entirely like ass)
- Jugular (tasted very much like Satan's anus, with overtones of death, feces and herbs)
- Red Eye Power (Red Bull clone)
- Speed (Lime, Raspberry and Cola, if memory serves. All pretty average)
- BLOX (either a repackaging or a knock-off of Blue Ox, which tasted largely like disappointment. And ass)
- Scooby Doo and friends -- not energy drinks, but cool packaging regardless. I'm afraid I don't recall the flavour of Scooby or Shaggy's drinks, but Catwoman was raspberry and Batman is clearly cola (with apple juice)
- The bottle of home-brand methylated spirits in the lower left is unrelated to the energy drinks
Hit the jump, there be heaps more.
Continuing the collection, we have:
- Irn Bru, at Dan's insistance
- Columbian Cola, which unfortunately does not seem to have any suspicious ingredients
- Hartz Energy from Tasmania, which I purchased for the obvious reason that it's BLUE
There's a Hemp trend on this shelf. Hemp, the original, is in the yellow and green cans on top. The black ones are Hemp Black Label, and the bottles are Hemp Gold. I don't recall actually getting around to trying these ones, and I imagine if they're still sealed in my garage that they probably taste like acrid crud by now. Perhaps they mellow with age. (Also, perhaps they don't.)
Yellow V, lemon flavour, was a temporary addition to the V lineup that I actually rather liked. Mother, on the other hand, has always had a reputation for tasting largely like shite, even though the new formulation seems to just be another Red Bull/Monster Energy clone in a gigantic can. At least it doesn't taste like the old formula.
Moving right along:
- Pimp Juice, inspired by the Nelly song (angels and ministers of grace defend us) with its semi-cool packaging
- Bennu Extra has some supremely elegant can design, which I like, but suffers from the unfortunate failing of tasting like degreaser
- Hiro Vitality, a curious sports-energy health drink containing all sorts of strange things that have no business being in a beverage, plus guarana and a whopping 7 calories
Aaaaand there's more:
- Buzz Me, a curious honey-based organic energy drink. If there's any drink that I'll bet money has gone horribly wrong in my garage, it'll be these. I suspect they're turning to mead as we speak
- Ed Hardy Energy Drink. Jesus Christ, he's everywhere
- Synergy -- not 100% sure, but I believe this one's sugar free
- Pink: an energy drink targeted at the lay-dees, also sugar free because bitches don't need no sugar
- Citron: Liquid Energy. Ten points to this one for it's metal-band-inspired packaging and extensive flavour range: Raspberry Splash, Tropical Azul, Original and Pineapple Passion
- Spring Valley Smart Energy, with its spectacularly dubious option of Blood Orange and Chilli. It tasted largely how you'd expect. Like blood orange and inexplicable burning, with all the joy of vitamin B and guarana peeking out from below, mocking you and ensuring every belch thereafter will remind you of your sins
But wait, there's more!
- Samedi, a subcontinental contribution with cool packaging
- Solo Strong: The Thirst Crusher with some guarana added to it
- High Roller Energy, with its horrid can design
- Bad Girl Power Drink, released some time after its brother, Bad Boy Power Drink. Aimed at the female contingent, I presume it's sugar-free, and is probably pink in colour
- Mother, the original. Excuse me, whilst I lose the will to live
- Elixa, with some astoundingly good can art
- Angel, a low-carb, no-sugar disaster in a fairly cool can
- Demon, made by the same folks as Angel, in three different flavours
- Rock, a Red Bull clone that has since appeared in voluminous quantities in The Reject Shop
Y'know what the sad part is? There're still more of them. Many, many more. Stand by, there'll be a sequel.
