The Core — I hate the word "blog"

Core, blimey. The Core is the exact polar opposite of Reign Of Fire. Reign Of Fire was a brilliant concept which was turned into a steaming bucket of snot by astoundingly bad filmmaking. The Core is a mind-numbingly stupid concept incredibly well produced, directed, written and acted.

The story, such as it is, is this:

The Earth's core has stopped rotating. This is bad. Due to the no-longer-rotating core, pigeons cannot fly straight (also bad, apparently, particularly when one of them is actually a trout), Rome collapses (bad too, apparently), the Golden Gate Bridge bursts into flames (bad) and, if left untended, the world will end in about three months.

So, Dr. "I'm Not Seann William Scott, Honest" (update, 2013: Dr. "I'm Not Seann William Scott, Honest" is now more properly known as Dr. Harvey Dent) teams up with Hilary "I'm Not A Man, Honest" Swank, Delroy Lindo, Stanley Tucci and GENERIC FRENCH ACTOR to ride a giant dildo into the heart of infernum. I swear to Christ I'm not making this up.

Oh, and it uses magic lasers that can cut through rock. Except, inexplicably, on the way back up again, when the lasers cease to work and the awkwardly shaped submarine miraculously pops up out of a volcano to the dulcet tones of "WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST GO DOWN A VOLCANO IN THE FIRST PLACE".

Anyhow.

This movie really shouldn't exist. I love it, largely because it takes the genre of ludicrous disaster movies and turns it on its ear, giving us a thoroughly enjoyable disaster movie that isn't based on an environmental awareness platitude or a thinly veiled opinion vis-à-vis climate change. Absolutely no reason is given for the Earth's core having stopped rotating, it has simply happened. The entire film is based upon the adventures of the crew of the phallic torpedo and their changing goals as the mission becomes more and more perilous.

I adore how the story takes itself utterly seriously, but the production doesn't. This is evident in the naming of the mineral from which Virgil (the submarine) is constructed: unobtainium. A whole six years before James Cameron's Avatar, The Core used this Hollywood placeholder name for an impossible substance in the right way.

The Core. It's awesome. And I need to upgrade my DVD version to Blu-ray, post haste.